Like the title says, today is my 40th birthday. Thing is, I don't feel depressed, half-dead, like my life is over, or that I'm "old" - the things American society says we should feel at this age.
I actually feel the complete opposite. I love my life! I have the best husband in the world, an amazing son that I am truly blessed to be raising, a house (old, small, messy, & always in need in of repairs, but it's mine/ours,) a car (old, but a dear friend gave him to me, it runs, & it's the first car I've ever had in my name,) the time for hobbies, and of course, there's homeschooling - the toughest, yet incredibly rewarding, job I've ever had. (And I've had a ton of jobs!)
Are there things I try to forget about my past and that I wish hadn't happened? Absolutely. But most aren't big things. They're of the "gods, I can't believe I was that naive," "I can't believe I acted like an idiot," "I can't believe I dated that jerk," "I could've done x, y, z, q better." I've conveniently sealed them off in the back of mind, bringing them out only when it benefits my writing. :-P
The one thing I do regret is not being able to fulfill my life-long dream of being published by the time I turned 40. I have tried with my childrens' picture book and a few poems, but not as consistently as I should have, and I haven't tried for a few years. There's also that novel (2 actually, but the computer ate the 1rst one,) I still haven't finished. Homeschooling and trying to keep the house in survivable order have to come first, so writing always takes a back seat.
However, I know I will be published some day. My writing doesn't suck and I won't be homeschooling my son for the rest of his life. (And to be clear, I mean "published published" by one of those publishers that just love to send out "your work doesn't meat our needs at this time" rejection slips, not "self published" which I easily could've done ages ago.)
And so ends this post. Wait, forgot one thing. I don't look 40! Ha ha! So take that all you cosmetic companies trying to sell me anti-aging creams and foundations to hide wrinkles & dye to hide the gray hairs. One, I don't even wear make-up except on special occasions, two, who cares about a few wrinkles (they're laugh lines!,) and third, I don't have a single gray hair and even if I did, who cares?
And so now ends this post. I'm technically 40, but my mind and appearance say otherwise. I am not half dead and depressed. I'm full of life and living the best life I've ever had.
Till next time I remain,
"I have a strange life here. It's different, but it is my own." ~John Crichton, Farscape